People Are Foolish

As if you needed me to tell you that.

Tom Cruise

Oh for God's sake just go away. The more I think about it, the less I care that you're portraying von Stauffenberg in a movie about the plot to kill Hitler. At first, I was incensed because it's just so wrong. But it's not really. You're wrong, and you'll go on being wrong even if you quit playing anyone. Get out.

Nicole Kidman

Leaving Tom really was the best thing you ever did, wasn't it? Katie, take note.

Princess Diana

You know what? You're dead. And you weren't a saint when you were alive. I can't blame you for what people do in your name, but I will anyway. I'm sick and tired of hearing about you.

Anna Nicole Smith

Ditto. Oh God ditto.

American Idol

I never went to prom, so I didn't get to vote on who the king and queen should be. Or maybe I did get to vote even though I wasn't going. I don't remember. Nor do I care. Because popularity contests are obscene. Which is why you are obscene, American Idol. If I were the religious head of some cult, I would declare you anathema. Come to think of it, I declare you anathema.

Celebrity News Magazines

You paid how much to get exclusive coverage? Do you know how many starving... eh, what's the use, you don't care. The really sad thing is that you'll make it all back plus interest because Americans are raving lunatics who only care about celebrities and looking attractive.

Celebrity News Magazine Television Shows

Kiss my ass.

Network Television News Shows

Kiss your ass.

Local Television News Shows

Kiss his ass.

The News

No, I'm not talking about Huey Lewis. The news media, as it is (or they are, because people don't understand that media is a plural) known, is a sad paltry mess. I'm not saying it's ever been anything but a sad paltry mess, but it certainly is now. It's flabbergasting what passes for news these days. And online news isn't any better. If one is a smart consumer, one can synthesize good news from a myriad of sources, but to do that one would have to spend hours. Most people don't have that kind of time. So we lean back and let the waves of infotainment wash over us. I guess we're all to blame.

That was uplifting, wasn't it? I will try not to write things after being maddened by Entertainment Tonight. Or was it Inside Edition?