Gone Drinkin'

Well, I'm just going to sit here in front of the computer and drink vodka until an idea comes to me. It probably won't be any good because when I get drunk I tend to think that things which are really stupid are in fact brilliant. I have the same problem with thinking people are attractive, thinking bad ideas are really great, and thinking jokes are funny. But your loss is my gain, because the only thing I care about doing in this world, besides waiting to drink, is drinking. That's all that matters. That's the only way to have fun, be social, hang out. Forget your friends: if you can't have fun with people you really don't care for sober while imbibing immense quantities of alcohol, you don't count. You are a worthless, socially-challenged human being who has no more right to live on God's green earth than a Nazi. You're undoubtedly mentally handicapped, terminally shy, or just too lazy to try drinking too much to have fun.

Wow, that felt good to say. It was all lies though. I am not sitting here in front of the computer drinking to come up with good ideas because drunken ideas are generally lousy ones, as I said above. In fact, I don't drink at all. Getting a wee bit personal here, so let's back off and examine the problem I'm having with society at large.

I know people who drink. A lot of people, in fact, but that's beside the point. The point is that I have read, on more than one occasion, the advice, to a shut-in, that they should get out and drink and party in order to not be such a worthless human being.

See, drinking makes you a better person. And it's the only way to have fun. At least, that's what I continue to hear. Well, that line is usually spouted either by serious drinkers or by people who don't drink and therefore blame that small choice for ruining their social lives.

Note that when I say drinking I mean doing more than having a beer with dinner. I mean drinking socially, which is a completely socially acceptable thing to do these days. In fact, there are too many social occasions where the only thing to do is talk and drink, and talking is no fun without drinking. Not only that, but as mentioned above, drunks are stupid. They get stupider as they get drunker. And unlike many people, I've never found it particularly entertaining to be sober in a group of drunks, just as I don't seek out stupid sober people for social events.

Why is it that we would not in a million years invite the inmates of an insane asylum to a dinner party, but we invite people who drink, who are arguably just as likely to be stupid and much less likely to be entertaining, unless you're the sort who laughs at people falling down and acting stupid? I would much rather chat with a deranged lunatic than with a drunk.

I don't think it's a moral issue, I think it's just an issue of quality of life. If your life sucks so much that you need to drink to have a good time, maybe you should examine your life. And do it sober. The lessons we teach young people are that the only way to have a good time is to hang out and drink, neither of which are particularly productive activities. There are other ways to have fun.

I've said all I care to say on the subject. If you would like to call me crazy, feel free to do so, but know that I have better things to do with my life than to sit around getting stupider. Why don't you? I have no objection to drinking, I simply object to its status as the only way to have fun. What the hell happened to fun while I wasn't looking?