Manhood

The car stuff is just a result of a bad day on the road, I promise. I'm not planning to make this blog entirely about my problems with people in cars. Lord knows I have problems with people in cars, but that's not the main thrust of most of my views about which nobody cares.

Why exactly do men feel the need to compensate for their sexual inferiority by buying certain types of car? I mean, I'm a man (at least, so I've been led to believe by various people over the years), and I drive a junker. It's old, ugly, and slow, and it's only a large van because I'm tall and I like being able to drive with my hands rather than my knees. And what's worse is that I don't really want a midlife-crisis-mobile. Maybe the Department of Men will come along and take away my membership card. But obviously I don't get it, which might frame the things I'm about to say in a certain way. But why? There are basically two types of sexual-deficiency car on the market, that I've seen, and I don't understand how either of them make you more of a man.

In the first place, why would it be manly to be small, red, and quick to get where you're going? I guess if you get a convertible with a hard top you can at least have something, but seriously, what man wants to be tiny, peppy, and speedy. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. I know, the car goes fast. That's a good thing why? Oh, not to mention the fact that you're more likely to be caught speeding in a car that looks fast.

But the other hand is just as bad. What man would want to be a huge, slow, ugly guzzler. Big trucks, Humvees, SUVs, you name it, it's big, slow, ugly, and drinks. I guess it's powerful. Those gas prices might make you think twice about driving it much, though.

So essentially, either you want speed or you want power. And a car is a pretty obvious affectation. If, like me, you need a big, ugly hunk of guzzle for good reason, then it's not affected, but if you're a lawyer on Wall Street with a behemoth of a truck which has obviously never been outside the city, let alone, "on the job," it's pretty obvious that you think you have a small penis. There, I've said it.

Me, I think it's pretty funny, folks' obsessions with cars. Maybe I'm alone in this, or maybe I'm just not old enough yet. I do own more guitars than I could ever possibly hope to need, and I guess that makes me a big man. I guess.