First To Vote

Okay, I've had it up to here with the primaries. Here, by the way, is somewhere high. And the primaries are the primary elections in the United States. And I am having had it. Up to a high... you get the picture.

I had no idea it had become so ridiculous. I mean, the primaries have always been ridiculous, because they don't all take place on the same day, and because they matter more or less than they should, but seemingly never the exact amount that they should. But I had no idea that New Hampshire had a law which said that its primaries must take place at least a week before anyone else's.

Isn't it lucky that the legislature of New Hampshire (and Iowa, by the way, which has a similar law on the books, but since Iowa has a caucus, they can hold it before New Hampshire) was so blessed with foresight? I mean, imagine if someone else had gotten that bright idea.

Actually, that's a great idea, one which I had before I started writing this but wanted to leave out until now so it would seem more organic (but now I've gone and spoiled it all). I challenge some good-humored legislature, somewhere in this great nation of mine (I would say ours, but I hardly know you) to take up the gauntlet and pass a law stating that your state primaries must take place at least a week before anyone else's.

Imagine the chaos. Say South Carolina makes the move. They pass the law, and then by law they must move their state primaries to a week before New Hampshire's. Then New Hampshire backs its primaries up, so South Carolina backs up, to the point where the primaries would have to take place tomorrow and be illegal. How wonderful would that be? It would be even better if two states grew the cajones to do it, so there would be a three-way race to see who could get their primaries off the ground first. And be illegal doing it. That's the part I love the most.

Seriously though, the whole thing is absurd. I know New Hampshire has its little heart set on winning this particular contest; let's face it, if it weren't for that stupid law, no one would give a rat's ass about New Hampshire except some of the people living there. Since I don't happen to live there, I don't, even with the stupid law, give a rat's ass about it.

The solution is simple; all primaries take place on the same day. The problem with the simple solution is that all states operate primaries differently, and the only way to change that is to pass a law at the Federal level. The problem with that is that said Federal law would be Unconstitutional, I'm sure, and would necessitate a Constitutional Amendment. And the problem with that is that Constitutional Amendments require a large amount of support, which this one won't get because some people really like things the way they are. Specifically the inhabitants of those states lucky enough to vote early in the primaries, plus undoubtedly lots of lobbyists for a huge corporation of some kind.

And frankly, who gives a damn about the primaries anyway? The way things are going, they don't really matter. The political spectrum is so polarized that no matter whom each party picks, they'll be roughly the same. Cynical, yes, but basically cynicism brought on by the idiocy of the primaries.

So I repeat: lobby your state legislature to pass a law stating that you are better than New Hampshire by mandating primary elections prior to New Hampshire's. Unless you happen to live in New Hampshire, in which case, lobby your legislature to fiercely defend your rights to be a pissant little state which has way too much power in the primaries. And I'll sit back and watch the fireworks.