People Aren't Terribly Bright

Oh what fun it is to list in a one horse open sleigh! Hey!

No, no, that's not it at all. But there is a list a-brewing:

Don Imus

Frankly, I never knew you were supposed to be a shock jock. I've been forced to hear you on multiple occasions, and while annoying you might be, perhaps even offensive to those with weakly-offended sensibilities (at the time, understand, since I never heard you make any comments like the ones for which you're currently being hung out to dry), you were never terribly shocking. Have you ever had strippers on your show to perform acts of oral sex? Well, I guess the point is moot now. I will say that you are ugly and annoying and your voice was never meant for broadcast, which annoys me further because there are many people who are much more talented than you who will never get a chance. Mostly ugly though.

Diane Keaton

Your name came to mind. I hope your movies do well, but I'm not terribly interested in seeing any of them. And don't think it's a Woody Allen thing. I didn't like Annie Hall either. Loved Love and Death though.

Bob Crane

Now, every time I watch Hogan's Heroes I am reminded of the more sordid details of your life. Why did you have to spoil it for me? Why couldn't you have simply died peacefully, or at least unremarkably? There is a slight chance that I've got you mixed up with someone else, in which case I'm sorry but I'm not looking it up to preserve that minor amount of ambiguity.

Werner Klemperer

Kinch did not have a radio hidden in the coffee pot. I know that Homer Simpson might have convinced you otherwise, but Kinch had the receiver to a microphone hidden in the coffee pot. Much worse, actually, from the point of view of Col. Klink. Since you aren't Col. Klink, I don't know that it matters that much.

Will Farrel

Damn man, let some other comedians have a shot. You seem like you might be a decent guy. I don't like any of your movies, but you seem like a decent guy. Why don't you make more movies like the one you made with Emma Thompson that I didn't see and I'm not sure was out for more than ten minutes? Wait, I answered my own question.

Emma Thompson

According to Christopher Reeve, you cook chicken well. Good for you.

Ralph Bakshee

I can't blame you that people seem to think you are some kind of animation god. It's not your fault that people have no taste. I can blame you for sucking though. Wow do you suck. Way to go on Lord of the Rings, man.

I think we've pretty much come full circle with that one.