Let Us Pray

Far be it for me to tell anyone how to grieve. I think if you want to kneel down in the street and bawl, that's your right, and it really shouldn't be all that surprising in many situations. I know a lot of people have problems grieving too, so I guess any way they let it out is good.

But I find it paternalistic and insulting to assume that grieving should involve prayer. Sadly, they always seem to be Christian prayers too, in this country. We recite the "Our Father" or sing "Amazing Grace," and that's supposed to be a profound expression of our grief.

Philosophically, I'm against it from the standpoint that grief is a personal emotion and shouldn't be expressed by a mass chanting of some familiar tune. As part of the ritual of a particular faith, I think prayer can have its place, but in a mass convocation (I'm talking about the Virginia Tech business if you haven't guessed) all a prayer does is obfuscate our actual feelings. Since I have no feelings on the subject one way or the other, I guess it's not my business, but I don't think it should be any other individual's business either.

Sectarian-ly, I'm against it because not all of us are Christian, and not all Christians say the prayers the same way. Sure you can give equal time to other religions, but why bother? It could take years to give equal time if you're really going to do it, and if you're just going to pay lip service to the concept of equal time, you're not helping. Plus, the prayer that everyone says all together now is a Christian prayer, and they say it in a Protestant way.

What's wrong with a moment of silence? What's wrong with playing something other than "Amazing Grace?" Who are the administration and organizers of grief to tell people what they should say to God, if anything? It's insulting.

I guess it comes back to the arguments about school prayer. People who care enough to make a stink are the ones who want everyone to say it their way. People who are more reasonable don't usually get hot and bothered on the issue. And in situations like memorials and grieving, people think it's not the time or place to make waves. Maybe they're right. Maybe you should just sit back and let it slide.

I don't have any real reason to grieve, other than fellow human feeling. Neither, I imagine, do some of the guests at the ceremony. So I'll let people grieve how they see fit, but I wouldn't hold it against them if they decided that they saw fit to grieve in some manner not prescribed by the masses. From their lips to God's ear.