Auditions

This is not a theatre blog, so I hope no one came here in that mistaken belief. I know some people who write theatre blogs, but I don't. I also don't remember (or have never been told) the addresses to those aforementioned theatre blogs so I can't redirect you if you've been linked here under false pretenses. Sorry.

I am not an actor, but I occasionally enjoy the diversion of acting. I make no money at all, and I'm not sure that, if someone offered me money to act, I would take it. Okay, I would, but because I'm a whore, not because I want to make a living as an actor. I work with enough actors to be disabused of any notions I might have to the contrary.

But as I said, I do occasionally, for a lark, participate to some scenery-chewing. It's all good fun. So today I'd like to talk about auditions, which I've seen from every vantage point in smaller theaters (note that I spell it that way when talking about actual locations rather than the abstract "theatre" concept, as is proper, or should I say snobby).

Auditions make me nervous. Even if I don't want to be in the play and am simply there because I was in the building and they asked me if I would, even if I know for a fact that I've got the part and the audition is merely a formality (it doesn't happen often, but once or twice), even if I'm doing the whole thing as a lark and I could care less whether or not I get a part, I get a little nervous. Sometimes I go to auditions because I like reading plays, or at least that's what I tell myself, because mostly it's to keep from freaking out the next time I have a real audition to which to go. I do like reading plays, but if I have no real vested interest, I go just to try to keep acclimated to the audition fear.

Auditions where you show up, they hand you a script, and you do a cold read are the best. I don't have to do anything other than show up, although I usually try to have read the play beforehand. But I don't have to be really prepared. When you have to prepare a monologue or a song (yes, I've done musicals too) that's what really gets me. So I don't audition for many musicals.

Over the years I've gotten better. I used to be a basket case before an audition. Some people talk about stage fright; well, I had audition fright. It's a wonder I ever auditioned for anything at all. Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't have been better off never treading the boards. I certainly would probably be a completely different person, and might be making a hell of a lot more money to boot. Well, I've gotten better, but I still get nervous.

It's odd, really. Most of the time I audition in front of people I know. And I can tell you that I would rather go up on stage and play a part where I had to pull my pants down in front of several thousand strangers than recite a small monologue in front of three people I know. I have the same problem with public speaking actually. I don't know why, but I have a theory.

I think it has to do with playing a part. I am not actually up on stage (I don't get stage fright much at all). The part I'm playing is up on stage. Whereas I myself am a very nervous person, the parts I play give me a remove from anything I'm doing. Maybe that's why I like acting.

Well, whatever the reason, I don't like auditions. That's pretty much all I wanted to say, and it just went longer than I expected. Sorry.