That's a Big 10-4

If you pick a speed to drive when you set out on your journey and you continue to drive at or about that speed regardless of surrounding conditions, you are probably an asshole. Sorry to break it to you, but there's a fair chance. More than a fair chance, actually. An extremely good chance, in fact.

The good Lord, or rather the good government, gives us speed limits for a reason, and even if you choose not to follow them, as many people seem not to, the speeds can be relatively right. If you drive 60 in a 40, then when the speed limit drops to 25 you should slow down too, maybe to 45, but at least slower than you did in a 50 m.p.h. zone.

And yet some people seem to think that speed limits were designed for the edification of other drivers; i.e. what speed you ought to be driving if you aren't special, like me. And what's worse, the assholes in question usually pick a speed which is just too fast for residential areas, but much too slow for anywhere else, like 32 m.p.h. I'd just like to know how they pick it each day; is it a per trip calculation, do you roll dice; what's up?

I guess the worst part is that many of these assholes are elderly people, which makes my complaints seem like I'm being bigoted against old people, which I'm not. But I kind of am, too. Because if you can't drive at least sort of normally, you shouldn't be allowed to drive, whether you're old, young, or indifferent.

However, if you're from Massachusetts, where the traffic law dictates a speed limit change every three feet, you have my pity. But I wish you'd just pull over and get out of my way.