Sometimes We Disagree

It's difficult to have two jobs. Switching back and forth between any two frames of mind isn't as easy as simply concentrating on one thing, but obviously most people can think about multiple things. So having two jobs, while certainly not as easy as having only one, is easy enough, I suppose. But wearing two hats at the same time, in the same place, is hard.

I'm a theatrical carpenter by trade, which means that I build scenery for stage productions. The problem is that I am called upon, as are many theatre technicians, to be a creative thinker and simultaneously a practical doer. In plainer terms, for those in the know, I design much of the scenery that I build.

It sounds like that would be easier, because I don't have to work with another person to make the designs into reality. That's tough too. But my inner designer and my inner carpenter don't get along often enough. It's like having endless staff meetings in my head.

When I design, I want my designs to retain all their integrity. I want the artistic themes to overshadow all things. I'm sure this is a common thread for many designers. On the other hand, when I have to build unrealistic plans, I get homicidal, and since my inner designer always seems to have unrealistic plans, he's got to go.

But I don't want to make it seem like my inner designer is the only one who has issues. My inner carpenter doesn't really want to build anything. He wants to use things already built, or cut corners to make things easier to build, or just plain cut the scenery from the show if it looks like it will be too difficult to build. He's a lazy slacker. My inner designer makes some very reasonable requests that my inner carpenter doesn't want to hear because they might involve too much work.

So I fight with myself. A lot, in fact. Unfortunately, at the moment my inner carpenter wins a lot of the fights because I'm feeling kind of lazy, and also because my artistic integrity as a designer isn't as important to me as it used to be. Largely, that's because I'm not really interested in being a designer. Some of my happiest moments have been after I've been given detailed, easy-to-build designs by other people.

But I think the dichotomy is important, not just because it makes me talk to myself and act crazy so people don't mess with me. If my inner designer didn't pressure my inner carpenter, I wouldn't ever build anything, or if I was forced to for some reason it would be slipshod or ugly or lazy. But if my inner carpenter didn't keep it real (I can't believe I just used that term) my inner designer would build sky castles and waste money and never get work.

I'm not sure what lesson there is to be learned here. I don't know that I care if there is a lesson at the end. It's just an aspect of my life that I thought would make a few paragraphs.