California Me Crazy

What is the problem with the Red Hot Chili Peppers? I could point you to any number of much funnier sites on the subject, but seriously, what is their problem? It's like they've started a tribute group to themselves, only instead of simply playing their old, popular songs, they compose new parody songs to more accurately express their great love for themselves.

It's like if a Led Zepplin tribute group, let's call them House and the Holies, were formed, but instead of singing "Stairway to Heaven" like everyone expects, they compose a song called, "Stairway to Kevin" about Kevin Federline. But that doesn't even accurately describe the level of problem which appears to be afflicting the Red Hot Chili Peppers' tribute group (for those of you who weren't paying attention, the name of that group is the Red Hot Chili Peppers).

I want it to be made perfectly plain, I never really liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers. A few of their songs were catchy. A few. They were overplayed on the radio. All the good crap that makes bands these days tepid. So I am not lamenting their fall from greatness. They've just gotten worse.

I think, and I may not be alone, that there must have been some law passed by the state of California (Arnold Schwartzenegger is crazy enough to do this, but we must also give credit where credit is due to the many crazy lawmakers of California) saying that the Red Hot Chili Peppers must include the name of the state in every other song. In protest, the Chili Peppers decided to also include the names of other states, and other nations, in their songs as well. Talks failed to bring a resolution to this crisis.

I foresee a time when Red Hot Chili Peppers songs are nothing but long lists of place names, with California incorporated somehow therein. Sort of like those songs on Animaniacs, but with more mentions of California.

Or maybe the Red Hot Chili Peppers just really like California. There's no real shame in that. But to make every song you write sound exactly the same and include the name "California" in it is tedious. Maybe the Chilis should move to Massachusetts. But that's harder to rhyme. And a girl named Danny Massachusetts (or whatever the name is) doesn't have quite the same kick to it.

Long and the short of it: the Red Hot Chili Peppers are tedious, and I'm as tired of hearing about California as I am of hearing about New York City.

And for those of you who were wondering, the title of this article is a takeoff of "Jamaica Me Crazy." It's funny. Trust me.