Gone to the Country

Chirac gives away 'violent' dog

Former French President Jacques Chirac has announced that he has given away his beloved dog [Sumo] after it attacked him for a third time.

...

The dog is now said to be enjoying life on a farm in the French countryside.

"Honey... I'm sorry, but... Sumo had to... go away for a while."

"No, no, he's visiting all his doggy friends on a farm in the French countryside. You know, he's happier there. Because he can run and play in the grass. You know he was never happy living in the city, and now he can make friends with all the farm animals and other dogs. Who knows, maybe he'll meet a nice lady dog and they'll get married."

"Um... no, I don't think it would be good to visit him. At least not now. Maybe later. Because... well, he might see you and think you were sad and then he'd be sad. You don't want him to be sad, do you honey?"

"I tell you what. We'll get a new dog."

"No, don't cry. Sumo's happy now. He's... on a farm in the French countryside. Really. We'll go right now and get a new dog and let Sumo be happy on his farm."

Seriously, my parents never did this to me, but "said to be enjoying life on a farm" is a universal euphemism for "dead." Next we'll be told that Sumo is "suffering from exhaustion" and has to visit a rehab clinic, "just to get his energy back." Then maybe he'll meet with Hugo Chavez and hold up today's newspaper to prove that he's still alive.