SkyNet

Remember the Terminator franchise? Of course you do. The evil computer that takes over the world, SkyNet, is supposed to come out of the military trying to create artificial intelligence. But I think that's crap (and not just because I don't believe in artificial intelligence).

See, there's already a technology that has taken over the world. It's called television.

Future is TV-shaped, says Intel

[Intel] said its vision of TV everywhere will be more personal, social, ubiquitous and informative.

"TV is out of the box and off the wall," Justin Rattner, Intel's chief technology officer, told BBC News.

"TV will remain at the centre of our lives and you will be able to watch what you want where you want."

Mr Rattner said: "We are talking about more than one TV-capable device for every man and woman on the planet.

Oh God, it's happened already! Run! Flee for your lives! All is lost! John Conner can't possibly stop it!

In all seriousness, I used to work as a cable installer, and the number of televisions people think they need is mind-boggling. Plus, what they'll forgo in order to have the money to pay for television. I've been to houses where the only furniture was a TV in the corner and a mattress on the floor. I've been to houses where the water was shut off, but not the cable. I've been called in to places where there was no electricity, and the first call these people made was to the cable company to find out why the cable wasn't working (funnily enough, cable requires electricity to function, because TVs require electricity to function).

But it's more than that now. TV is going to be everywhere. You won't be able to escape it.

You know what? I'm going to develop a device to carry around, totally illegal of course, which will interfere with TVs in my radius. Not only that, but it'll cut off cellphones too. Maybe computers as well. Within a hundred yards of me, silence, static, no connection. And if that makes me a terrorist (it doesn't, for the record, because terrorists have to be inspiring terror in order to achieve some aim, and while losing your precious TV may inspire terror in you, my aim is to interfere with TV, not to inspire terror so you'll do something else), then I don't want to be right.

Because I am right. I'm defeating SkyNet. In my own small way, I'm saving mankind. You ungrateful people don't realize what I'm doing to save the world, but one day you'll see... wait, this is beginning to sound a bit megalomaniacal. Forget it. I'm being selfish.

The Terminator franchise is a bit megalomaniacal, come to think of it.