Can't Drive 65

80 m.p.h.

According to Ford, that's how fast teenagers should be allowed to drive. 80 freaking miles per hour.

Yes, Ford has introduced parental controls, the main thrust of which are that the car can't go faster than 80. Because there are a lot of times when you'd need to do 79, as a teenager. For instance, in the 79 m.p.h. zone in some residential areas. Oh, and in order to very slowly and safely pass a car which is only doing 75, which is the speed reserved for old people and drive-throughs.

Now there are tones which can be set to sound when the car goes over 45, 55, or 65, but 80 is the top limit, because Ford knows that young people need to be able to travel faster than the posted speed limit anywhere... for some reason. Oh, I know, if that teenager happens to be chased by a hitchhiker with a hook for a hand. Or if that teen went to Germany and was driving on the Autobahn.

Tell you what, you come up with a list of things which would give good cause for a teenager to drive 80 and mail them to Ford, so they can use them in advertisements.

I thought about it, and the only reason I can see for this policy is that 80 is too slow for drag racing. But kids who street race don't exactly buy cars with parental limits. So this will prevent bad drivers from being so monumentally unsafe that they are likely to kill themselves immediately. It won't prevent them from being unsafe, just keep them from being that unsafe.

Given the fact that the posted limit is rarely above 70, why the extra ten miles per hour? Also, even if the limit was 85, I wouldn't want a teenage driver going that fast.

It's knee-jerk. It's "safety" for looks. It's a crock. You want to get all Big Brother on teenagers' asses, you should work out some way for the car to sense what the speed limit is in that particular area, and cap the speed at that. Or you should move the driving age up (gasp, I know, what a shocker that is). Or you should mandate longer periods of driving with an adult in the car, or harder tests, or mandatory drivers' ed. Capping the speed at 80 and sounding alarms... hocus pocus.